Sixty Days

Let me give you the back story in fewer than a million words. Mark’s wife is coming home. He spent 5 and a half years believing for the restoration of his family. Right now, they are just going to be roommates but he believes that it won’t be long before they return to being husband and wife.

Mark and I spent the last 3 years talking to each other on the phone… uh… probably almost every day. We would have long conversations about his wife, his kids, my job, my house, politics, Christianity and religion, sex, what makes a man, what makes a woman… you name it, we probably talked about it. From the very first conversation, it was very at ease. There are few people on this planet that know me as well as Mark. There are few people that I have learned so much from. I have learned alot about faith, believing, love, poker, healing, prosperity from him. Much of that revealed to him. But as Jerry Savelle says, you can’t stand on someone else’s revelation.

So with his wife coming back home, that means our 2, 3, sometimes 4 or 5 hour marathon phone conversations will end. They certainly won’t be every night. I felt like there will be a giant void… a hole. The night he told me she was coming home, I was overjoyed for him. But when I went to bed, my bed felt like I was asleep in the middle of a giant football stadium. It never felt so huge. I never felt so small. I cried myself to sleep that night. Who would I talk to about spiritual things? Monetary policy? How in the world would so-n-so play Doyle’s hand when the flop was… (ok, so I made that part up.. there are very few poker hands I remember. I just watch it because Daniel Negreanu is awesome.)

Mark said to me last night ‘You can receive this as prophetic. You will find your husband. You will find him soon. Our God does not take away. He is a God of blessing and increase. God is not taking you from me. He’s bringing Shanna back to me. He’s not taking me from you. He has someone better. You are one of my best friends. I can see the day where your husband and I and Shanna and I are hanging out together. He will make the transition seamless.’

“I hear you… but how? How do I believe this? I want to. It stinks that you and your sister have more faith on this than I do. I want to believe this. I want to stand in faith and know that I know I will be married. Because right now, all I see is the void. To fill that, it will need to be quick.”

“He will reveal that to you.

So I got off the phone last night. I laid there in the bed yimmer-yammering to God. I finally heard the still-small voice.

“Give me 2 hours a day for the next 60 days.”

“Huh?”

“Spend 2 hours a day in my word… in addition to your daily podcasts on the bus ride.”

“OK. I will do that. Willing and obedient.”

I believe that I will be married. The desire and the dream has been placed on my heart by God. I don’t know when, but it will happen.

Today was day one. I spent alot of time is Isaiah 54.

5 For your Maker is your Husband–the Lord of hosts is His name–and the Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer; the God of the whole earth He is called.

10 For though the mountains should depart and the hills be shaken or removed, yet My love and kindness shall not depart from you, nor shall My covenant of peace and completeness be removed, says the Lord, Who has compassion on you.

Footnote in the Amplified version: Although this chapter is primarily intended to express Zion’s joy over redemption, it has also a very personal, long-neglected, and often overlooked message for women–the lonely, the disappointed, the childless, the widow. It has all the glorious confidence and assurance, the incentive and understanding, for which feminine hearts have longed throughout the ages! Every woman who will read it every week for a year with receptive heart and mind will find herself not only spiritually prepared for her own childlessness or widowhood, should it come, but also supplied with rich treasure with which to address the similar needs of countless other aching hearts to whom the Holy Spirit is here speaking.

I will share with you what God is teaching me along the way. By posting here regularly, I can keep accountable for the task God has directed me to do. I know by the end, I will be much stronger in my faith, healing in any number of ways, closer to Him than I’ve ever been before.

Lord, open my eyes, ears and heart to hear you.

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5 comments

  1. Elena · May 7, 2008

    Wow.

    Well, girl… You tell me when, and I’ll be there with bells on, ready to cheer you and hubby on! And to dance before the Lord for His wonderful grace, mercy, and love!!

    The man is going to be one special and blessed dude. =D

  2. digitalcowboy · May 8, 2008

    This is humbling in a way that I don’t know how to describe. I read it three times wiping tears before I felt a could cobble together a comment.

    Life is about change but I meant what I said.

    1) Our God never subtracts or divides, He adds and multiplies. He’s adding Shanna back to me. That’s certainly going to change things in relation to our daily habits. It’s never going to change the love I have for you as a very patient friend and a sister in our Daddy’s family.

    2) Because He never subtracts or divides, only adds and multiplies, whatever you and I lose as a result of this change, He will replace in multiples for both of us.

    I know that to be true because He’s my Abba. I know Him. He’s trustworthy. You can count on Him. Every single time.

    Besides that, even on a personal level, this isn’t a parting. It’s just a transition.

    My love for you as my friend is just as steady as my love for Shanna as my wife. It’s different to be sure, but the underlying principles and the strength of it are exactly the same. It never moves and it can’t be changed.

    You’re important to me and I’ll never let go of that.

  3. digitalcowboy · May 8, 2008

    I almost forgot to mention that I don’t know anyone else that will even listen to me when I talk about monetary policy. Or poker.

    So you’re priceless. You can’t be replaced.

    (And you misspelled Daniel’s last name. We all do. I’ll bet he was 12 before he could spell it right every time.)

  4. Jonnelle · May 8, 2008

    I fixed Daniel’s name. I meant to do that yesterday and add a link to his bio but I forgot. Thanks for the reminder. 🙂

    I’m looking forward to hearing about when you get to sit in a online tournament at pokerstars.net with Daniel. He’s been hanging out in the $500/$1000 HORSE room according to one of his latest blog entries. Of course, you will meet him in person when you go to the WSOP.

  5. digitalcowboy · May 9, 2008

    Daniel and I are relieved that you made that correction.

    I also should have pointed out that he’s in his thirties and still doesn’t write his last name correctly.

    I know that because someone who loves me recently sent me an autographed copy of one of his books.

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