Pondering and Thinking

After I had my melt down a few months ago, Sharon called to encourage me and give me some love.

In her message, she suggested that I look into gastric band (aka LAP-Band) surgery.  They laprascopically put a band around the upper part of the stomach, making a small pouch that sends a signal to your brain that you are full much earlier and therefore you eat less.

I went to the information session at the Vanderbilt Surgical Weight Loss Center.  My very first thought when I walked in was, aside from the staff, I was probably the healthiest person in the room.  I immediately gave thanks to God for His healing power and grace that has kept me healthy despite my overwhelming need for chocolate.

There were some really sick people… and for those people, surgery was likely the only way they would be able to live beyond another year or two.  Pacemakers, diabetes, heart problems, sleep apnea.  One person was brought in via wheelchair.

My heart broke for these people.  Like me, I bet they have tried every diet known to man and maybe even made up their own.  Sure, I’ve been responsible for my own bad choices.  I admit that.  When I made the right choices, the weight dropped off.  When I didn’t (as has been the case for the last 1 and a half years), I’ve put most of it back on.

I still don’t know about surgery.  I’m praying about it.  It’s one of those things that if I didn’t tell you, you would likely never know… the only clue being how slow I eat and the small bites taken.

I’m vain… I don’t want any scars on my belly.  They said the port for the band (to adjust the size) goes in the abdominal wall.  Will that be affected by belly rolls or pilates, neither of which I’m willing to give up?

When I went to see my primary care physician last month, I asked him about it and then I started crying.  He said that any of the weight loss surgery is a tool; that the patients still have to eat right and exercise or else it is largely pointless.  Having the surgery doesn’t mean someone is a failure which is how I feel about it.  He was very kind and supportative of any decision I would make… which is good.

Conversations with the Women in My Head

is the new blog by my friend, teacher, spiritual mentor Diana P.  In the space of 3 days she has gotten on Facebook and now a blog. I’m sure a podcast will be following soon (if she and Brett can figure that out 🙂  )

She will be teaching a class that she hasn’t taught in a number of years – well, since Cross Point started, called And God Made Woman.  It is a marathon… long, rough, tough, but soooooooooooooo worth it.  A woman’s relationship with God… with her mother… with her father… at the end of it – food and burning things.  What could be better?

When my mom passed away, the first people at visitation were the women in my small group from AGMW.  They had even organized a painting day at my house to help…  Since then, I’m still single (I hoped that the next time I took this class, I would be viewing it from the ‘wife’ stage of life) but I lost both my parents, my grandparents, got a major lesson in financial accountability, have 2 kitties now, bought a condo, took up dance, tore up the blogosphere, largely left the blogosphere, lost a bunch of weight, gained it all back, and am finally starting to understand what it means to love God and be loved by Him.

I’m glad you are on the journey with me, dear reader.  So, when you get a chance, go check out Diana’s blog.  She is very funny and very honest.